I’ve been a handful lately. I’m not gonna lie. I can feel that moment – as intensely as putting my hand on a hot stove eye – when I’ve exhausted someone with my waves of churning emotions. Those of us who live with Bipolar are accustomed to intense feelings every minute of the day. Our loved ones, however, are not.
There are times when I visit The Dark Abyss – my pet name for that putrid place I go when depression grabs hold – and I wonder how anyone can love me because, well sometimes my illness makes me anything but lovable. But I’m in a good place today and I started wondering, what’s positive about loving someone with Bipolar?
Sometimes I venture online searching for some study, article or narrative that will help a family member or friend better understand Bipolar, and by default, understand some of what makes me, me.
Today I searched for something with good things to say about being in a romantic relationship with a Bipolar person. Like I said before, I’ve been a little hard to handle lately and I was attempting to give my husband a small glimmer of hope.
I found only one article. It listed three very weak, and rather lousy “positives.” The talking points were explained well enough but each ended with a warning or what I call a baby negative. Frankly, I found the entire piece a little bipolar.
This led me to put something out there for anyone who is on the hunt for a silver lining around Bipolar relationships.
1) You will NEVER be loved more deeply than your Bipolar significant other loves you: Almost everyone has heard it said that we feel, say and do everything amplified. If you’re hearing something at a volume of 10, we are being blasted with it at 100. That includes our love for you.
There are certainly times when I think about my husband and I’m so overwhelmed with appreciation. It’s even brought a tear to my eye a time or two. Not out of sadness but out of such an abundance of appreciation for him … for his love, his mind and his utter existence.
If you’re dating or married to a Bipolar woman, expect to be loved passionately. We are very sexual creatures and we make no bones about it. We will lavish time and affection on you.
2) We will turn your world on its head and change your perception of it forever: Ask just about anyone, “What color is the sky?”, and most will say blue. Ask a Bipolar person and you may get turquoise, navy, sapphire, artic, cobalt, etc. Our way of viewing the world is so attuned to the smallest detail or variation.
If you’re a realist or pessimist, you’ll have a hard time around someone of my nature. For the most part, I worry about the things I can effect change upon. I try not to concern myself with what has already occurred or what I can’t change. This allows me to have a view of the world from a positive angle. If you’re in a relationship with one of us, your world is no doubt a little more vibrant and clearer than it ever was before. It’s almost as if we have taken your dirty glasses and wiped them clear of dirt and sweat. When you peered through those same lens again, it’s was like a blind person finally seeing the brightness of the sun.
3) You will NEVER be bored: You will never find yourself parked in front of the television with someone who you have nothing to discuss. Our minds run too hot for this. If you’re lucky enough to get us to watch with you, we will want to talk about the actors, plot or debate possible story line twists. Our minds just work too rapidly not to.
We will always seek out new adventures and long for new experiences. I often tell my husband that I don’t see how people consider constantly going out to eat with friends or as a couple fun. If I ask for a date night and my husband suggests going out for dinner, I roll my eyes. I can’t help it. Trying something new on the menu just doesn’t fill my quota of adventure.
4) Living with us is like having an interior decorator on stand by: I can’t even count the number of times I’ve completely rearranged or redecorated rooms in our house. One cute lamp can inspire me to want to change the entire color scheme of the house. I suppose this one could be lumped in with never getting bored. Of course it does sometimes drive my husband up the wall because he is the definition of a creature of habit.
5) We are fiercely protective of those we love: Personally, I can roll with most punches thrown my way but if I even think I’ve caught someone with malice aimed at my family, I go into all out warrior mode. Sometimes I’m convinced my children’s teachers despise me because I always take the sides of my children. I believe them first at all costs.
The same is true for my husband. I am insanely protective of him. I don’t mean in a jealous way. I mean he deserves the best and anything else is just not acceptable.
The point of this entire post is simple. Don’t believe everything you read about Bipolar relationships. Do we come with our pitfalls? Sure but so does everyone else. Do we require a little more than the average wife or girlfriend? Sure we do but if you wanted normal, you wouldn’t have fallen for us in the beginning. We are special. You know this already or you wouldn’t have made it this far.
Bipolar women generally do not fall for the simple. We do not stay with the average and that is probably why we love you.
We are not moths. We are flames. Only the brave seek the all-consuming heat we provide. Only the daring risk the burns and scars for the chance to feel even a minute of our passion. You are one of the brave and we love you for being who you are.
As Marylin Monroe once said, “If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best”. We may sometimes be the worst but rest assured we will always be your best.