Insomnia: Can someone shut off my brain and get me a pillow and bed?

I am a walking zombie.

Four hours of sleep in the last 48 is making my body scream, “No more”! I’m getting clumsy and very unfocused. It’s even difficult to think straight enough to write this.

But my brain won’t turn off because I’m extremely nervous that this lack of sleep will lead to a swing in moods. I don’t want to go to those places. Neither the darkness or the whirling bright lights appeal to me. I like it here in the middle of my seesaw, perfectly balanced.

I’m trying to put the concern out of my mind though because obsessing over it only makes it worse. We all know that the obsessive thoughts are almost impossible shut off.

According to, “Exhaustion, sleeplessness and disturbances in sleep pattern can trigger a Bipolar episode.”

I didn’t know this but apparently insomnia is a factor in how Bipolar Disorder is originally diagnosed. So much so, the same article quoted above says:

“It is possible that people who are genetically predisposed to bipolar disorder may develop the condition” when circadian rhythms are thrown off.

That’s wild. Proper sleep patterns are so important to us that the lack of it can actually lead to developing Bipolar Disorder!?

“Even between mood cycles, people with bipolar disorder may have sleep problems,” says Phillip Gehrman, PhD, a sleep specialist and an assistant professor in the department of psychiatry at the University of Pennsylvania in Philadelphia.

I’ve been in recovery for a little while now, but I recognize the signs of hypomania in me already. (or at least I think I do)

Insomnia is a big indicator of hypomania but I’ve also noticed multiple unfinished projects going at the same time, weight loss, quick temper and behavioral red flags.

I’m hoping I can get in to see my doctor tomorrow. I usually attempt to be witty in my blog posts but I just don’t have it in me today …

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